You told me you loved me
Eight weeks in.
Just outright said it.
Staring like you could see my soul,
Smile like a million watts.
I thought you were delusional,
Told you so,
Laughed it off,
Tried to make you feel better for thinking you ever could,
Carried on as normal,
You didn’t press it.
The first time I told you
It came out as a smile,
I couldn’t get the words past my teeth,
Stuck in my throat
I left them there to age like good wine.
The next time I told you I loved you
Was when our lips touched,
Under the stars.
The time after that was a squeeze of your hand
While my head rested on your shoulder,
It was one time after that
I eventually managed to say
I like you, like a lot.
The last time I told you
That I loved you
Involved tears and screams
And words puncturing our armour.
You wondered why it was hard for me
I told you, you didn’t understand
Because you weren’t in my head.
You told me that I was being stupid
That I wasn’t being fair
That sometimes you felt like the only one in this relationship.
I asked you why?
Was it because of the times I flinched when you caught me off guard?
The way I’d get trapped in my head
And see his face instead of yours?
The nights you found me asleep on the floor
Because I couldn’t breath with the weight of your arm
Wrapped around me?
As if we’d had the same conversation before.
I tell you I’m broken.
You tell me you know.
I remind you again,
Try to make you understand,
You were the one fixing me,
But I hadn’t come with all the pieces to start with
This was never going to be a quick fix.
I tell you I love you,
And you tell me you know.
Featured Image – padhokhelo