The Road So Far: What Wayward Means To Me.

This is something that I wanted to write about before the Supernatural episode ‘Wayward Sisters’ aired, but I’m a terrible person and didn’t but I’m kinda glad. Having watched the episode, I have even more feelings about it and ‘Wayward’ as a whole.

If you ask the dictionary for a definition of the term wayward it will tell you wayward means ‘difficult to control or predict because of wilful or perverse behaviour’. Or it’ll tell you something like ‘given to wilful, perverse deviation from the expected norm; tending to stray’. Ask me? It’s all about realising that you are exactly where you are supposed to be if that place feels like you belong.

There’s a lot of pressure put on people in general. As a human being, a living entity, we are told to act a certain way, look a certain way, be a certain sort of person. And it’s been this way for years, so we see no other option but to conform, to agree that perhaps that’s the way you should be. But what if that isn’t you? What if who you are, isn’t what is considered ‘the norm’? Well that’s what wayward is for me. It’s recognising that maybe you aren’t who other people tell you to be, but that’s okay, in fact that should be celebrated. It’s being scared to be yourself, but being yourself anyway. It’s knowing that no matter who you are or what you bring with you, you are safe here.

The episode ‘Wayward Sisters’ does a fantastic job at showing just how strong you can be when you surround yourself with family, but also sometimes how strong you have to be on your own to get there. The more I watched the episode, the more I felt a sense of safety, of belonging. I could see myself in every single one of those women, and they were hero’s. ARE heroe’s. So why can’t I be?

I might not know how to shoot a gun, or fight a monster (and look damn fine while doing so), but I am my own hero. I spend most of my days battling the monsters in my head and the days I don’t, I spend keeping them silently at bay. But for the first time, in a really really long time, I feel home. I feel right. I feel as though I might not be where others are, or where I’m expected to be, but I am happy to be right where I am. The last few months, I have found my own little family online and I feel a part of something that is so much bigger than just me. And that is a phenomenal feeling.

Wayward is finding peace, not pushing yourself to fit into conventions if that doesn’t make you happy. Its understanding there are so many other things that can make you feel complete, or worthy, or like you belong. Wayward is strength, alone and in numbers. Standing together, or alone, and realising that you are enough exactly as you are and recognising that strength and worth in yourself and others. At the end of the day it’s family. It’s not knowing exactly where you belong but feeling safe enough to stay in this place. It’s being brave, being open, banding together, being yourself. Wayward is recognising that you are exactly where you should be, as long as you can call that place home.

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