Bachelor Bants: Did you hear, Colton’s A Virgin?!

Ask me if I want to watch TOWIE or MIC and I will shake my head fervently. Ask me if I want to watch a show where 30 women vie for one mans attention on the slim chance that they’ll receive a single rose? I’ll say pass me the gin and turn it up. There is something about the Bachelor that draws me in, almost every time. So I thought I’d start a little series on my blog where I document all my thoughts on the current series of The Bachelor as it plays out.

So season 23 started on the 8th January and what a way to start the new year. This season sees fan favourite from last year, Colton, being thrust into the role of the Bachelor. I saw him a little in Becca’s season of the Bachelorette, and he seemed like a very sweet and down to earth guy, so it’s no surprise it’s his turn to find ‘true love’.

Before I get into the girls trying to woo their way to a rose, I just wanna take a second to say ABC, what on earth are you doing?! Why am I having to sit through some very odd house viewing with past contestants that I’ve pretty much forgotten the names of? (Except JoJo, she was a fave!) I don’t care about these people watching it at home, or the people that are, for some reason, partying in a hot tub. I am here to watch some lass pretend to be Australian and find out who Colton is gonna give he v-card to. In case you weren’t aware, although I’m not sure how you couldn’t be due to the amount of times it’s been bought up, Colton is a virgin. I know, how you can look that good and not have got down and dirty, I’ve no idea. That being said, I completely respect his choice and think that he handles it very well when asked about it. And oh, you can bet he was asked about it.

This is something that kind of put me off some of the girls, I didn’t really get the point in bringing it up, or being a bit crass about it. Leave the man be, because look at him, he’s gonna know what he’s doing! Someone popped a ‘cherry’ balloon in his face, another did some kind of magic trick resulting in her taking his ‘V-card’ and someone just came outright and said she ‘had’ to ask him why he was still a virgin. Don’t get me wrong, this is probably a question you would maybe ask, but possibly not after you’ve met him for all of two minutes? I really hope that this isn’t something that is focused on too much this season, because Colton is much more than just his virginity.

Now, let’s talk about the limo intros. This is one of the parts I find the most cheesy because it’s where people decide to whip out their terrible pick-up lines and just *gag*. But it’s all apart of the fun and gives us our first glance at the ladies. Demi, wearing this awful yellow dress, is the first to wander out of the limit and mention Colton’s virginity within 0.2 seconds. I’m not lying. She’s only a year younger than I am but I just think that she’s a little bit crass for my liking. Another rocked up in an actual horse-drawn carriage, dressed in a blue dress like old Cinders, I will say I did actually really enjoy the dress. Then you obviously have the sloth, and I’ll be honest, I just have no words, but props to you girl for staying in character.

Someone else rolled in sirens blazing from a cop car, although a little underwhelming when she announced she was just the fashion police, eh? And then, you’ve got the girl gutsy, or crazy, enough to jump in with an Aussie accent for us to then find out she is in fact not Australian! (Did we actually see her talking to Colton during the cocktail party? Did they approach the whole not-Australian thing? If we did, I missed it!) I’ll be honest there were no intros that blew me away and I found myself just wanting to get to the cocktail party.

Speaking of, I don’t think this was the most exciting of first cocktail party, but by no means does that mean there was no drama. Just another shout out to the sloth girl, who actually climbed up into a tree, true dedication to the character at its finest for sure! Now, I don’t mean to hype myself up, but I’m pretty good at pointing out who that annoying, drama causing gal is going to be on the first night. Lets be real, we all know it’s going to be Catherine. She started out walking up to Colton with her dog, and I was all for it. Like YES, why has no one actually bought their dog before now?! But then she’s just given her dog to Colton to look after all season? Like 1) Who gives their dog away? I’m not giving my dog to anyone, for any reason, I don’t care how pretty you are! And 2) I’m sure Colton has much more on his mind than having to suddenly look after a dog! Crazy! So I’m already a little wary of this dog-giving-away lady, and then after she’s had her little chat with Colton, she then proceeds to steal him away, not once, not twice, but four time. Four times! I get that you want to have as much time as you can to start working on a connection and to have that opportunity to grab the first impression rose, but jeez, you need to respect the rest of the women.

Onyeka did what everyone else wanted to do, and pulled Catherine aside to try and tell her that what she was doing was not on. But the whole conversation just confused me, she was trying to confront her without being confrontational? Like trying to act as though she was actually doing Catherine a favour? No, tell her that she’s being out of order and needs to check herself! Then there’s this weird hug which Onyeka thinks has solved all the problems and then she’s even more surprised when Catherine steals Colton away from someone else 2 minutes after said hug. Sorry Onyeka, a hug is not going to sort your problems with this one!

I’ll be honest and say that I’d checked out a little bit by the time the rose ceremony rolled around. I can only imagine what I’d be like if I was actually there, either curled up on the sofa napping or stuffing my face and chugging tea to try and stay awake probably. I wasn’t particularly sad about anyone that didn’t get a rose, and I was far from surprised when Catherine got the last rose. The girls I think are going to be good for Colton include never been kissed Heather, speech pathologist Cassie, dog rescuer Alex (is this just because she rescues dogs? Maybe) and possibly beauty queen Hannah. The girls I know are gonna stir up the drama, man stealing Catherine, seems like she’s 12 Demi, Australian but not Australian Bri and I’ve got an inkling that ‘hugs solve everything’ Onyeka might end up in the middle of a few scraps too.

Based on the season trailer, we’re definitely in for a good one. Lots of arguing, Colton fleeing in what looks like the middle of nowhere and lots of tears, Colton included. This is what I’m here for, so pass the gin and the box of Thortons left over from Christmas because I’m ready to kick this season off.

Who do you think looks like a good pick this season? Are you sad sloth girl was sent home already, or just sad she didn’t leave the room slowly in her sloth costume? Do you think Catherine had every right to steal Colton or does she need to simmer down a little and take her dog back? Let me know your thoughts of the first episode in the comments down below.

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One thought on “Bachelor Bants: Did you hear, Colton’s A Virgin?!

  1. Rachel says:

    Great break down! I haven’t watched The Bachelor in a few years as I’ve been living abroad but I’m keeping up with this season. To be honest I can’t remember a lot of their names yet so there isn’t a clear favorite yet. The jabs at his virginity are cheap, but I suppose to be expected as he’s so open about it, I’m just glad he can take a joke and is secure in himself. I also found it funny that Tracy, the fashion police, was in my opinion one of the worst dressed of the night along with Demi! I’m not sure if I believe in the process of TV romance (although props to the couples who are still together) and know the producers have a large hand in controlling the narrative, but it’s still so entertaining!

    Rachel ||

    Liked by 1 person

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