You told me you loved me
Eight weeks in.
Just outright said it.
Staring like you could see my soul,
Smile like a million watts.
I thought you were delusional,
Told you so,
Laughed it off,
Tried to make you feel better for thinking you ever could,
Carried on as normal,
You didn’t press it.
The first time I told you
It came out as a smile,
I couldn’t get the words past my teeth,
Stuck in my throat
I left them there to age like good wine.
The next time I told you I loved you
Was when our lips touched,
Barely,
Under the stars.
The time after that was a squeeze of your hand
While my head rested on your shoulder,
It was one time after that
I eventually managed to say
I like you, like a lot.
The last time I told you
That I loved you
Involved tears and screams
And words puncturing our armour.
You wondered why it was hard for me
I told you, you didn’t understand
Because you weren’t in my head.
You told me that I was being stupid
That I wasn’t being fair
That sometimes you felt like the only one in this relationship.
I asked you why?
Was it because of the times I flinched when you caught me off guard?
The way I’d get trapped in my head
And see his face instead of yours?
The nights you found me asleep on the floor
Because I couldn’t breath with the weight of your arm
Wrapped around me?
You sigh.
Resigned.
As if we’d had the same conversation before.
I tell you I’m broken.
You tell me you know.
I remind you again,
Broken,
Emphasis it.
Try to make you understand,
You were the one fixing me,
But I hadn’t come with all the pieces to start with
This was never going to be a quick fix.
I tell you I love you,
And you tell me you know.
“When I first saw the sand, I thought it was beautiful. Like maybe it’d be fun to just roll around in and make sand angels. Now I know the truth, that sand is actually the love child of proud parents Marie Antoinette and Joseph Stalin.” – Fire and Flood, Victoria Scott.
Pegged as a cross of The Hunger Games and Pokémon, from the minute I saw ‘Fire and Flood’ I knew that I needed it! And I absolutely loved it! ‘Fire and Flood’ has received some really mixed reviews, with it being a bit like Marmite, hate it or love it. That being said, I can totally understand why people perhaps weren’t so keen for the book and were very disappointed. I think the problem being people hear its likened to The Hunger Games and they expect something in particular and when they don’t get it, they’re disappointed. I went into this book with an open mind and thoroughly enjoyed every bit of it! ‘Fire and Flood’ is about a young girl named Tella whose older brother is inevitably going to die and n
obody can do anything to help. But then Tella gets a strange message about something called the Brimstone Bleed. These people seem to know her brother is sick, and they claim they have a cure. The only snag? Tella isn’t the only contender, and to get the cure, she’s going to have to fight for it. Working us through scenes of the jungle and desert, Victoria Scott does an absolutely fabulous job of bringing Tella to life. We see her making alliances, enemies and perhaps finding someone special. That being said, I love that while there could have been the opportunity for Scott to unfold a pretty average love story, romance is in no way at the center of the book. At the very core of this book, you have a sister whose willing to do anything to save her brother, no matter the cost. In the beginning, I wasn’t very fond of Tella. In all honestly I thought she was a bit shallow
\and stuck up, continually moaning about her parents moving her away from her friends, and not being able to eat like she used to or live the lavish lifestyle she once had. However as the story moves on, Tella begins to realize there are more important things and she’s willing to change to essentially have a fighting chance at saving her brother. Every chapter seems to bring a new twist to the story, yet doesn’t always giving you a full piece to the puzzle that, along with Tella, we are trying to piece together!
Another little note – Pandora’s? Super cute, yes to all! Pandora’s are the companions for every contender, coming in a variety of shapes and sizes, each with some sort of talent we wait to discover that will help their owner of somehow. A small part of me wishes they were real! ‘Fire and Flood’ is honestly one of my favourite books I’ve read so far this year. If you go in with no expectations, I’m sure you’ll be presently surprised! There can only be one champion meaning Tella’s story isn’t over yet, with the second book in this series definitely next on my TBR list.
Featured Image – Chicken House
If you would just come back to me, love
Is not just a four letter word to me, love
Is the way you make me fall over my own feet
In the hope that you would catch me, love
Is how I think I might have a heart attack
Every time you smile, love
Is making you laugh
So I can see you smile
I do not care about the heart ache
I do not care about the awkward pauses
Or the emptiness of your room
I worry that if you stare too long
You will find something
I have tried so hard to hide
That if I let your touch linger too long
You will feel the dents and the puncture wounds
They have not healed properly yet
I don’t think they ever will
I worry one day you will not smile
That I will fall flat because your arms will not catch me
That you might one day find yourself
Humming the tune to a record
You do not even know the words to
That was our song
I worry that you have started to picture the future without me
I think you are happier there
‘No one can ever know what we’re up to. What we do together lives and dies with us.’ – Kat, Burn for Burn.
Well, what can I say other than I absolutely loved this book! ‘Burn for Burn’ is the first in a Young Adult trilogy by Jenny Han & Siobhan Vivian. It follows three girls, who each tell the story from their own point of view in alternating chapters. Each girl feels someone they know deserves to suffer for something they’ve done. This book follows the girls as they all band together to exact some much-needed revenge.
I really enjoyed the fact that each girl tells part of the story from her own point of view, showing each individual voice. My favourite character is Kat, her voice is the strongest through the entire book; she’s blunt, tough, a bit of a punk, very sarcastic, and acts as the ringleader of the girls. Kat is bullied by her ex-best friend who is also best friends with Lillia, and feels she deserves a taste of her own medicine. Lillia has her foot in both worlds, being friends with the populars but also becoming friends with Kat and Mary. She looks out for her younger sister who is just starting school, but later finds out that one of her guy friends has not only been hooking up with her sister but also Kat. Lillia see’s it as her responsibility to put an end to all this and make sure he gets what he deserves. Mary, the quietest and shyest of the three, had been tormented years before she left Jar Island only to return and find nothing has really changed. She decides the guy who was responsible for her leaving the first time round needs to pay for all the pain he put her through.
When these three bind together, having met by chance in the girls toilets, they become unstoppable with all sorts of revenge being thrown around; fire alarms, broken windows and rashes are just teases at what ensues… The only fault I could find was that the characters were very clichéd, but I could overlook this and by the end of the book, I was able to sympathize with them all. I think this was helped by every chapter being told from a different girls point of view, meaning we could get to know them on a more personal level and find out what exactly led them to wanting their revenge. A massive plus for this book I think, was the multitude of issues that were presented. Just a few of the issues discussed include, drugs, drinking, underage sex, bullying and suicide. Most YA novels these days typically have one central theme they focus on, so it was a real surprise to see all of these presented and seeing how they were dealt with throughout the book.
All in all, I was very happy with this book, it had me gripped from beginning to end. The only thing I would have done without would be the supernatural elements that creep in at the end. I just think it felt slightly out of place and maybe even forced. Hopefully though, this will lead onto the sequel – ‘Fire with Fire’, and will perhaps put the ending in perspective. That being said, if you need a quick girly YA novel, I definitely recommend you pick up ‘Burn for Burn’.
Featured Image – The Books Buzz
SourcedBox is a monthly box delivered to your door full of healthy snacks. The snacks included in the box are free from refined sugars and additives and range from nuts to granola to chocolate. Each box, in my opinion, come with more than enough snacks to get you through the month. The June box contains 10 snacks from a multitude of different brands, some of which I’d never heard of before but will definitely be looking into repurchasing from.
Squirrel Sisters – Raspberry Ripple £2.49
Now, there were actually two bars in this little box but I ended up eating one before the picture was taken. And let me tell you it was damn good! I really like fruit bars like this and often reach for them when I’m on the go. I love that you really get the crunch from the nuts and can really taste the goji berries, while a flavour I wouldn’t necessarily have picked it was extremely good and I would definitely like to try the other bars. Pana Chocolate – Sour Cherry and Vanilla bar £3.20 This is the cutest little chocolate bar I’ve ever seen. I was surprised by how soft this bar was and not in an ‘left-in-the-sun’ sort of way. Now I wasn’t a massive fan of this but mainly because of how dark the chocolate was. However for those who do like dark chocolate I can imagine this would definitely be down your street. I loved the flavour of the sour cherry but would have liked a slightly stronger hint of vanilla.
Primrose’s Kitchen – Orange and Cashew Granola £6.95
I really like granola and have eaten it for as long as I can remember so I was excited to see this little pot inside of my box. I loved the cashews in this and the hint of orange was super nice. I will definitely be buying a full box of this to add to my breakfast granola collection. Nom – Cacao and Raspberry bar £19.08 (Box of 12)
This was by far one of the messiest things in the box. They remind me of a flapjack but much much drier which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but you take one bite and you have crumbs EVERYWHERE! Unless you take a bite into one of the dried raspberries, there really isn’t much of a raspberry taste. Saying that I do enjoy the subtle chocolate taste, if it had been much stronger I think it would have been a bit too overpowering. While in a pinch I’d definitely reach for these, but I have bars that I’d prefer to grab. Munchy Seeds – Chilli Bites 80p
Now due to my diet I’m not really allowed to eat seeds or things high in fibre, but I did have a small hand full of these. On their own they were a bit boring but in a salad or something they may be better. I also quite liked the chilli taste, it wasn’t too strong or spicy, and was more of an aftertaste that slowly crept up on you.
What A Melon – Watermelon Water £38 (18 Cartons)
Now I had my reservations about this because I don’t particularly like coconut water. However I was pleasantly surprised! This is super refreshing and while I wouldn’t drink a whole carton, I would love to put this in smoothies or use it to make ice-lolly’s. Raw Ecstasy – Maple Syrup Activated Almonds £4.30
I didn’t mind these, but I wasn’t their biggest fan. They left on odd aftertaste which I couldn’t really place. I would have preferred a stronger maple syrup coating on the almond but that may just be me. While I wont be keeping these on my desk as a quick snack, I’m going to try putting them in a smoothie like the packet suggests. Nothing But – Mange Tout and Red Pepper Snack £1.29
The first thing that hit me with these was the smell. It wasn’t the worst, but it certainly wasn’t the best. As for taste? The only thing I can compare them to, is paper and styrofoam. Sorry SourcedBox but I definitely won’t be picking these up again and I’d be surprised if anyone else will either. Mightybee – Spicy BBQ Coconut Jerky £34 (12 pack)
This was odd, but a good odd I think. The spicy BBQ flavouring overtook any coconut taste I was worried about, but not in a bad way. It wasn’t too spicy either, which was good because I don’t tend to deal well with spicy foods. The texture was a little bit weird but definitely something I could get used to. Its the sort of snack I can imagine putting on my desk and constantly reaching for. I’ll definitely be looking into grabbing some of the other flavours. Snact – Apple, Blueberry and Banana Fruit Jerky £4.50 (5 pack)
Now I’m not sure what it is about these, but I rather enjoyed these. I’d definitely throw these in my bag in case I needed a quick snack, that being said the apple is very overpowering and you’d never guess they have blueberries or bananas in. They remind me of a healthier, chewier version of a fruit winder (remember those?!), I’ll definitely be trying the other flavours.
Sometimes I feel like I am losing you,
Like you are slipping through my fingers,
Like you are taking back the parts of my heart
You had once branded as your own,
You will not stay long enough to stitch up the cuts,
I would not ask you to.
Sometimes I feel like I am losing you,
Like you are a record that has started to skip,
I know it will not last long much longer
Until the tune is unrecognisable,
I continue to play it anyway.
Keep changing the time on the clock,
Setting it back a few minutes
Just to try and buy some more time with you.
You are my favourite mistake,
All I want to do is relive that moment
Again and again,
Warm hands on cold skin,
Gasps with every touch
You make me feel alive.
Made me feel alive.
And the smile,
Oh that smile
Makes me forget about tomorrow.
I forget everything else
All I understand is you and I
In this very moment,
So close our breath entwines
Hearts beating the same rhythm
I can do this
I understand this.
Your fingers trace my sides,
Lazily,
Like muscle memory.
Like this moment has been engraved
Into our memory from the very beginning.
I run my fingers through your hair,
Like muscle memory.
My fingers twine through it
Like breeze through grass,
My fingers feel at home here.
Our lips find each other,
Like muscle memory.
Soft and hard all at once
I couldn’t ask for more
But if I could I’d want more time.
More time to be together
Bodies so close your warmth surrounds me like a blanket,
I have not stopped thinking about it since you left.
The last breath we exchange
Is deep and heavy.
I close my eyes,
Savour the goosebumps that litter my skin,
The only indication you were ever here.
Hands grasp air.
Fingers twitch.
Eyes open.
Your back retreats,
Hair perfectly intact,
Hands buried so deep into pockets
They could not touch skin
Even if they wanted to.
‘I’m writing it in a letter, the whole truth of why it happened. And the truth is that I goddamned loved you so much.’ – Min Green, Why We Broke Up.
Written by Daniel Handler (perhaps better known as Lemony Snicket) and the artwork done by Maira Kalman this might be my favourite YA (Young Author) book I’ve read so far this year! I know I’m late coming to the party, but the truth is I’ve had this book for absolutely ages and I did in fact start it when I first brought it but it sat on my shelf and just looked very pretty for ages. Then last night I decided I needed to finish it. And that’s what I did, staying up until the wee hours of the morning just to finish it, because I simply couldn’t put it down.
Why We Broke Up tells the story of Min Green (short for Minerva, Roman goddess of wisdom) and Ed Slaterton and explaining why they broke up. What’s so brilliant is that its written as a letter, from Min to Ed, which accompanies a box full of little trophies and prizes kept safe during the progression of their relationship, each one having a story and a reason why they broke up. The blurb gives us an idea of the items to expect, “this is the box, Ed. Inside is everything. Two bottle caps, a movie ticket from Greta in the Wild, a note from you, a box of matches, your protractor, Joan’s book, the stolen sugar, a toy truck, those ugly earrings, a comb from the motel, and the rest of it. This is it, Ed. The whole story of why we broke up.”
The relationship between a high school junior and a senior basketball jock is one you know from the get go is probably not going to work out, but you feel so sorry for Min throughout the letter, you end up praying that it does. The book is broken up with beautiful illustrations from Kalman, of an item from the box, signaling the moving on of the letter. The illustrations are an absolutely fantastic edition (I’m a sucker for illustrated books) and helps us visualize Min writing the letter while looking over all the items that contain all the memories of her and Ed, that she has finally decided to dump on his doorstep. Another interesting concept is that every film or actor mentioned is completely fictional which just shows the amount of work that went into writing this book. However, Handler writes in such a way that you believe that the terrible movie or the beautiful movie star being talked about is completely real.
Why We Broke Up shows a witty and interesting take on an adolescent break-up from the girl’s point of view. It is relatable and warm and makes me want to punch Ed in the face, but that’s okay. It is a book that will take prize possession of my bookshelf and is one I think I will be back to revisit time and time again.
Feature Image – Goodreads
